You've been there too huh? Man...to many times to count for me. But that's not what I want to write about this morning. Instead, I want to write about offense and be a transparent as I can about myself, and the things I've learned by being offended.
It will probably be better and easier to read for the Google generation if I give this in a list, or using bullets. so I'll try to keep it simple. And no, I do not mean real bullets, I am referring to bullet points, even though there have been times...
#1... And really number one is this. People, especially Christians, and especially Southern Christians, rarely ever admit they are "Offended". They'll use words like; upset, disappointed, and even mention being through with the person they are offended at. Because to admit offense, is to admit sin, soooo, many believers steer away from the wrong in their on life in order to focus on the wrong in others.
#2...Most, and I do mean most, offense is cause by misunderstood expectations. People will without communicating to the person, place expectations on them, they are then let down, and the rest is history. They get offended. Many times the person they are offended at never knows!
#3...Most people are to intimidated and insecure to go to the person they are offended with and handle it scripturally. It's easier to justify the sin of offense probably more than any sin there is!
#4...Most believers when offended act like it is totally okay to "try and forget" instead of following the guidelines in scripture. OFFENSE acts like cancer to our spirit man. Imagine treating physical cancer this way? It WILL affect your future, your purpose and God's plan for you. You might as well deal with it now and not wait another day.
#5...The BIG deception of Offense is this. Because you were the one wronged, the person who wronged you has the responsibility to come to you and apologize. Being a half truth, this is enough to be like eating M&M's laced with cyanide. Trust me on this. Someone has to be the leader. Fact is, if the person you are offended with does not come to you, You HAVE to go to them to get things right. Email, FaceBook, Twitter, texting or even a call is not good enough. It has to be Face to Face. And for those believers who simply de-friend someone on FaceBook because you are offended at them I have these words for you; Childish, and Passive-Aggressive.
A while back I got seriously offended at a group of people, who from my perspective did me totally wrong, violated trust, scripture and a deep love that I had for them. Honestly, it spring boarded me into some of the worst and toughest days of my life. At that time all I wanted was justice. People who I thought were friends dropped me like a hot potato thus adding to the offense. There was a lot of "Sharing", (Christian for gossip) happening causing me to feel like I was inside a barrel and that God had forsaken me. I remember telling the parties involved that one day we'd all look back at our broken relationships and not really understand why. Although that day arrived, the truth is that it (the offense) was still only about these two things, Lack of Good Communication, and Wrong Expectations.
It got so bad for me that I finally, (I know I know...) sought God. To my amazement, and against my flesh He had me to go to every person that I was offended at and get this, APOLOGIZE to them! At first I was sick about it, but afterwards, I realized the freedom that it brought me. I truly discovered that by releasing them out of the cage I had them locked in my heart, freed me from the cage I was in. It was liberating to say the least. The greatest blessing in this is to be free to pray for them, speak good of them, and hope for their best. After all, it was because I loved them so much that I got so offended in the first place, and, I still love them deeply today.
I would have NEVER experienced God's best for me and my family if I had not taken the first steps towards those who I thought should come to me. And neither will you.
Who are you offended at today? I want to encourage you from someone who became an expert in offense, to go to them, apologize for being offended, seek to restore, (if possible) the relationship. At least give them the opportunity, and see them through God's eyes. Ask the Lord to show you the good in the person you are offended at. View them as God's child, precious in His eyes. You owe it to yourself and the plan God has for your life.
Pastor Douglas